A Captain Goes Down with his Ship
by Checkered Brooke
Summary: My name is Eren Yeager, and I do not believe in God, for if He were real, he would have saved Armin, too.


A captain going down with his ship.

It is a tragic event, and almost always involves difficult decisions.

Armin Arlert chose what he believed was right.

"_Armin." Jean approached him with his eyebrows tilted upwards and his mouth pressed into a line. "Armin, the boat hit something."_

"_The fuck do you mean the boat hit something?" Adrenaline spiked, and for a moment Jean and I were back in training camp, at each other's throats like always._

_Armin gave me a desperate glance—'Eren, not now, please'—and addressed his full attention to the horse._

"_What happened?"_

"_We-we're not sure. Mikasa's below deck, checking the damage…It doesn't look good, at any rate…" Sweat glistened on his temple, and the sun's glare intensified by the second. I stood, feet planted wide; as if there was a Titan approaching, and I could just fight it off. _

"_Deploy the lifeboat, just in case. Right away." Armin's voice was hard, like he knew something we didn't._

_My heart was in my throat, and Armin's cool, calm, and collected composure sobered my antsy instincts. I stepped closer to him, and when I spoke, my voice was small._

"_What's going to happen?" As much as I hated to admit it, I was scared. We were probably thousands of kilometers from any sort of land—were we just going to float around aimlessly in a lifeboat and hope we get washed up somewhere? What about food, water?_

"_There are emergency rations in the lifeboat. Pick a direction and stick with it. I'd recommend southeast or southwest."_

_He spoke as if he wasn't coming with us._

"_What's going on?" Levi exited the cabins, leaned his mop against the wall, and joined us. "That wasn't just rough waters."_

"_The boat hit something," repeated Jean._

_His ordinarily stoic face showed immediate signs of concern, and he looked at Armin. He returned the look with a nod._

"_Kid, you don't have to—"_

"_Levi, please—" _

_Amin's boots squeaked as they skidded across the wood floor. Levi dragged him into the cabin, and after Mikasa jogged up to join us, followed by Bertholdt and Reiner, he shot each of us a glare before slamming the door behind them._

_We all exchanged uneasy glances, and I edged closer to the door._

"—_**no fucking way**__ I am letting you—"_

"—_not your decision, Levi, I—"_

"—_have __**any **__idea—"_

"—_any better alternative—"_

"—_**I **__could, you selfish brat—"_

"—_could never do that to—"_

"—_**I **__could never let __**you **__do that to them either. Armin, you're a fucking kid."_

"_Levi, this is my decision. This is the only thing I will __**ever **__ask of you—"_

_Any further conversation was muffled, and Armin seemed to have whispered the last part._

_We all heard a splash as the lifeboat hit the ocean below, and Jean peeked over the edge to look._

"…_Guys…" He gripped the edge of the boat, and his knuckles grew white. He turned to look at us. "There's only room for six people."_

_Armin…Mikasa…Levi…Jean…Reiner…Bertholdt…me…_

_Seven._

_There were seven people on this boat, and the lifeboat only had room for six._

_Levi and Armin reemerged, and were met with terrified faces. _

"_Armin…?" I whispered, stepping closer to him. He met me with an embrace; a long, tender hug. He inhaled deeply—was he __**smelling **__me?—before pulling away, and Levi's nose wrinkled in disgust before he grabbed a fistful of the back of my shirt._

"_H-hey, what the fuck are you d—"_

_We were moving toward the edge of the boat._

"_Everyone in," Levi ordered. Mikasa was the only hesitant one, but the look he sent her must have been enough to convince her, because she soon vaulted over the edge too._

_The boat was beginning to tip._

"_Armin, aren't you getting in? A-Armin, come on, please—" My speech ended abruptly as Levi threw me overboard. The water was cold, and I flailed around before hooking an arm over the edge of the lifeboat. It was then that I saw it; the huge, gaping hole in the side of the ship._

_Before I knew it, Levi was in the lifeboat, and he pulled me up and in._

"_Armin!" I screamed, scrambling over my friends in an effort to drag Armin with us, as well—but Levi was having none of that. He held me back—similar to the way Armin held Mikasa back during my trial—and it only fueled me more. I shook an arm free, and made to bite my hand._

"_God __**damnit, **__Eren!" Levi roared, and he twisted my arm behind my back. I cried out, and my eyes searched the toppling deck for my friend._

_And then I saw him._

_He held onto the mast so that he didn't go tumbling down the length of the ship, and there, plastered on his face like he'd just gotten free ice-cream, was a smile._

_A huge smile._

_He was waving._

"_Good luck!" He called, stretching as tall as he could to make sure he was seen. "South is your best bet! Northern waters are cold!"_

_I couldn't hold it back anymore. I began to cry._

"_Be careful out there!" he yelled. "I love all of you!"_

_I couldn't watch._

_After all he had done for me, I didn't even have the courage to look him in the eye as he spoke his last words._

_I heard everything, though._

_The creaking of the wood. The straining of the support._

_And finally, the silence. _

_It was only then that I dared open my eyes._

_And I saw nothing._

_Just the ocean._

_The deep blue of the sea, the horizon, and the sun._

Spoiler alert; we lived. After a few days, we washed up on some ratty old beach. The locals were kind, and we were fed copious amounts of food and made to rest as often as possible.

It was only years later that Levi confided in me as to what Armin asked him that day.

"_This is the only thing I will __**ever **__ask of you—do everything in your power to make sure Eren survives. My only wish was to see the ocean, and that has been fulfilled. Eren's wish—to eradicate the titans and to explore the entire world—is still yet to be fulfilled. And you, Levi, you deserve some peace, after all you've gone through. Just please, let me protect them this once."_

And it is now, as I sit, growing old, that people are asking me if I believe in God. If I believe I will go to Heaven.

I turn them away, day after day.

Levi has passed, and losing a friend like him has brought uncomfortable memories back to light.

Though I suppose I can thank him, because he has solidified my beliefs.

My name is Eren Yeager, and I do not believe in God, for if He were real, he would have saved Armin, too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I swear I'm not dead. Sorry I've been lacking in the Soul Eater-I'll put something out soon!**


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